low point

I am so discouraged. I feel like Sysisphis. Today is just another uphill battle and it feels like we are losing with not much chance of real progress. It never seems to stop. My first period class continues to come late or absent, unfocused, to be sporatically productive. Instead of getting better, it is getting worse. I am frustrated by their inconsistencies which interfer with having time to actually doing some teaching. They have been defined (received grades) based on their work habits rather than their intellectual capabilities. These also define my work with them. I have more conversations about work habits than work. I feel out of control (as I am sure they do many times), reactive to uneven and unpredicatable behavior. Besides the frustration, it humbles me. It is about me, what I can or cannot do, and how whatever I seem to do has little to no effect.
I find myself sucked in, as in a vacuum. When they are not capable I start to feel as if I need to be more capable. I need to hold back, to let some things run their course and let the chips fall as they may. I am already demonized (by role definition as much as anything) as "the man" so I might as well relax into it. But I can't.